


It Must Be Heaven If You're Here

by take_ninetynine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Heaven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 16:10:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6993916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/take_ninetynine/pseuds/take_ninetynine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam could feel the tears pricking the back of his eyes; there was only one way he’d be seeing Jess again, a way that had happened to him and been reversed more times than anyone should ever be granted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Must Be Heaven If You're Here

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas to subhumansam from your Secret Santa!

Sam barely had a chance to register the pain. Maybe that was a good thing. He could taste the blood in his mouth— _his_ blood, forcing its way up his throat; he could see the edges of his vision going dark. But feel it? There was a sharp pain as the pipe pierced his stomach, but then it drifted away and left him feeling numb instead, like he was floating. He looked for Dean, he saw his lips move as he called his name, but the sound was little more than a noise. Sam’s legs gave out and he felt himself gasp, before everything went dark.

When he woke up he was almost blinded by the sudden brightness of the light. Sam held up a hand to shield his eyes, squinting into the light as he tried to make sense of his surroundings. Slowly it subsided, and he realized where he was: his old apartment, back in Palo Alto. The one that had been burned to ashes along with—

Sam whirled around, and there she stood. “Jess…” he breathed; his face relaxed into a sad smile at the sight of her. She was beautiful, as she’d always been, her blonde curls spiraling out in all directions from around her face. Sam could feel the tears pricking the back of his eyes; there was only one way he’d be seeing Jess again, a way that had happened to him and been reversed more times than anyone should ever be granted.

“Welcome back, baby,” Jess said with that trademark grin of hers, stepping forward to take his hand. “What was it this time?” Sam squeezed her hand gently; it took him a moment to process her question, so caught up in this gentle moment with her as he was. “A… a pipe. Stabbed by an angel,” he added with a small chuckle. She giggled in response—god that sound was _beautiful_ , and he felt the prickling in his eyes again as he realized how much he’d missed it.

It wasn’t the first time he’d been in Heaven—and with this developing habit of coming back from the dead, it probably wouldn’t be the last—but it was the only one he remembered. He knew he had died because Dean had told him so… but he couldn’t remember being here before. But he’d tried. Oh, had he tried. Every time he’d been sent unceremoniously back to earth, he’d racked his brain for days afterwards, trying to hold onto any vestige of what had happened after his life had ended. But it was never there, he could never recall the memories. Now that he was here with her again, though, it was rushing back to him, the other three times he’d been sent to Heaven to be with her. And how he never wanted to leave.

“I’ve missed you, baby,” she told him, pulling him closer to her and laying her head against his chest. Sam wrapped his arms around her the way he’d used to when she was alive, holding her close and burying his face in her hair. Suddenly it wasn’t just prickling anymore, and a few tears slipped out of his eyes. Jess jumped as she felt the moisture hit her head. “Sam, you’re getting my hair wet,” she teased him, leaning back so she could meet his eyes. Sam didn’t respond, and she titled her head to the side sadly. “What is it?”

Sam looked into Jess’s eyes, those constantly forgiving eyes, the ones he’d fallen asleep looking into for so many nights and the ones he dreamed about for months after… “Why do I get to go back, and you have to stay… stay dead?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Why was he doomed to only spend time with her in Heaven, to never really hold her in his arms again and just listen to the sound of her _breathing_ because demons had plans for him? He got to come back to life all the time, what made him so special when she was more special, more _deserving_ than he’d ever been? It wasn’t even really her here with him now, it was the ghost of a memory in his own personal heaven. Because she _was_ his heaven, in the figurative and now literal sense. She was in her own heaven where she’d been for four years, when she should’ve been on earth, living the full life that she was robbed of too early.

Jess sighed, rubbing his back gently with one hand. “That’s just how it has to be,” she answered, matching his volume. “God works in mysterious ways, right?” Sam asked sardonically; Jess scoffed. “God schmod,” Jess answered. “But you’ve always been special, Sammy. The world needs you.” Sam pulled her close again, hiding his face as he murmured in her ear, “But _I_ need _you_.”

Suddenly there was a glowing light in the corner of the room; they both whipped their heads to look at it, and Sam remembered what was coming next. “Your brother worked fast this time,” she said softly, and Sam could’ve sworn she looked almost disappointed. Sam clung to Jess in a sense of desperation. “No, no, I’m not ready!” he begged. He couldn’t leave her again so soon. Jess took his face in her hands and pulled him to her, kissing him passionately. When they broke away he leaned his forehead against hers for a moment, savoring the last of the moment before it was taken from him again, before he forgot _again_.

Finally he couldn’t wait any longer; he could feel the light tugging at him. He gave Jess one last hug, then stepped back from her and made his way towards the glow. As it consumed him, he couldn’t see, couldn’t feel… but he heard her voice.

“Go save the world, baby.”


End file.
